by Harold and Bette Gillogly
Adam thought he had it made! He lived in a beautiful garden…lush plants…no bugs…no weeds. The weather was perfect. The sun was warm upon his face…no rain…not too cold…not too hot. But something was missing. Something was “not good.”
God knew it all along. He knew it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. He knew exactly the “suitable helper” He was going to make for him. But He wanted Adam to feel his aloneness – to grasp it for himself – to long for the right companion. So He gave Adam the opportunity to discover his need. Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him (Genesis 2:19-20 NRSV).
Do you hear the loneliness in that last statement – for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him? It dawned on Adam as he studied the animals, choosing an appropriate name for each, “Hey…none of these look like me! Each of these animals has a mate like itself, but I don’t have a mate like me!”
That’s right, Adam. That’s exactly what God wanted you to see. Now that you know your need, He can meet it perfectly.
So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man’” (Genesis 2:21-23 NLT). “Wow! She’s like me! She’s a part of me.”
God took one man – Adam – and made two people – Adam and Eve. Then He brought them back together in marriage to make them one again. God made one – to make two – to make one. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined [glued] to his wife, and the two are united into one (Verse 24).
This is marriage – God uniting a man and a woman in oneness!
God takes our oneness very seriously…so seriously that He uses the same Hebrew word for “one” to describe Himself – the Trinity – one God in three Persons. Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one (Deuteronomy 6:4 NASB). This word for “one” means “composite or united one.” That’s the Trinity! That’s a married couple – two united into one!
God’s purpose in marriage is so much greater than a man and woman simply coming together to produce offspring. The marriage relationship is unique – there’s nothing else like it on earth. It is a picture of the divine! God has patterned our oneness after Himself.
And the wonder of it is that you, as a married couple, can live in the fullness and joy of His purpose. The very next verse in Genesis 2 reveals how. Now, although Adam and his wife were both naked, neither of them felt any shame (Verse 25 NLT). “Naked” means a whole lot more than simply not wearing clothes. The Hebrew word here means, “laid bare, disclosed, made fully known.” Adam and Eve were naked inside and out. They had no inhibitions. They made themselves “fully known” to each other. They were one in body, soul and spirit.
They were one in body.
Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain (Genesis 4:1 NKJV). Adam “knew” Eve. “Ya-da” – that is to know by experience, find out, discern, to fully know. They did not hold back their bodies from each other. They learned to experientially know each other. They each allowed the other to “fully know” them…open and unashamed.
Sam and Janie both grew up in homes where the word “sex” was never spoken out loud. They came to marriage naïve and shy about their sexuality. For the first three years, Janie wouldn’t dream of making love with the lights on. She had never even seen herself naked, and she sure wasn’t going to let Sam see her that way. They had sex – but they still held back their bodies from one another. They were too embarrassed to allow themselves to be “fully known” by each other.
Gradually, they began to open up. They turned on a light…a dim one at first…but bright enough to allow them to explore one another’s body. They liked it! And found that being more open with their bodies made them feel closer to each other in every way. They talked more, laughed more and enjoyed one another more.
Sam and Janie experienced the truth of “Ya-da.” Getting to know each other physically and sexually is all wrapped up in knowing each other emotionally and spiritually, as well. Each is a part of the whole “Ya-da.”
They were one in soul.
There was no holding back of themselves emotionally. God did not create them with the ability to read each other’s thoughts and motives. They had to share with each other what they were thinking and feeling just like you do. They each allowed the other to get to know the real person inside.
Scott and Tammy began their relationship with every intention of having a Godly marriage. But Scott had a lot of expectations – some of them pretty unrealistic. Tammy tried to fulfill his expectations, but they soon became a burdensome duty, one she never felt successful at. They both began holding themselves back from each other, occasionally sharing how they felt but mostly just communicating about the everyday mechanics of life. The more they shut themselves off from each other, the more disconnected they felt.
Some friends helped them see how they were holding themselves back from each other and cheating themselves out of God’s purpose in their lives and marriage. Slowly, they began to open up to each other, tentatively at first, because they were afraid the other might not accept them. They began to confess their fears and failures without laying blame on each other. They have turned the corner and are headed in the right direction…growing toward oneness instead of away from it. Their purpose now is to “Ya-da” – to fully know – one another emotionally, as well as physically and spiritually. And they are beginning to experience the joy of it!
They were one in spirit.
It is very significant that God described Adam and Eve’s oneness with the same word He used to describe the Godhead – the Trinity. As difficult as it is to comprehend, God declares that married couples are pictures of the divine. That being true, it is unthinkable that we not be spiritually one.
How do we achieve spiritual oneness? It is not some nebulous concept for the sweet by-and-by. It’s real and it’s right now. And the best way we have found to connect and grow in our spiritual oneness is to be in God’s Word and praying together on a regular basis. That keeps us on the same page with God and with each other, allowing Him to change us and grow us. Sanctify them by the truth, your word is truth (John 17:17).
By praying together, we keep the lines of communication open all three ways – between the two of us, and between each of us and God. This allows God to work in our hearts and in our marriage.
Some couples think they are too busy for this. But we challenge you to tithe your recreational time – the time you would be spending watching a ball game, a TV series or the news, pursuing a hobby, etc. Most couples, if honest, would count at least ten hours a week they could tithe. That means you would be tithing one hour each week for devotions together. Break that up into four 15-minute times or six 10-minute times, and you have a very achievable goal for yourselves.
God’s purpose for your marriage is that you “Ya-da” – fully know – each other…being naked inside and out… holding nothing of yourselves back from one another…being one in body, soul and spirit. God created marriage with you in mind. He wants you to enter into the fulfillment and joy of His purpose.
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